Christmas and New Year did not go well. He didnt keep to his promises he kept telling me that it was me that wasnt trying, I needed to give him more sex and blow jobs to make him happy. He stopped doing any work unless I performed a sexual act for him.  This made me feel awful, small and worthless.  He told me at this time that he would never stop drinking and it was his right to do that. I should be a dutiful wife and perform as a wife should.

At this time he would poke me in the middle of the night to tell me I was smelly, ugly, people didnt like me and I didnt try hard enough. This not only made me tired but severley damaged my confidence.  I knew deep down I couldnt carry on like this.

When we spoke about splitting up he then told me he would never move out, he would take everything from me.  He was entitled to it. He would make things very difficult for me. Despite all this I knew I couldnt carry on, this is not who I am and I didnt want my beautiful daughters growing up with a downtrodden shell of a woman for a mum, I want them to grow up being strong independant women who will stand up for themselves and others.

Towards the end of May he stumbled into the bedroom and attacked me, I had to do something, I ran and hid in our spare room. He kept looking for me I was terrified.  As I stood behind the door in the middle of the night shaking and scared I started thinking to myself ‘what is going on this is my house and I should feel safe’ I made the decision to call the police.

By November 2015 I could really see that the relationship wasnt working. I tried and tried talking to him about it but he kept making promises that I have heard a million times before. He couldnt see that the promises werent going to make our relationship better.

He moved out for a while, during this move I should have seen what was going to come later, he either ignored the children or was over the top with them and then telling them how nasty I was for making him be on his own.  He would just walk in the house at tea time and have his food and then go.  He carried on making me promises. As Christmas time I gave in to the promises and he moved back in the house. He promised he wouldnt drink at all and that he would make a real effort with the children and me.

New Years Eve was a disaster, I had arranged for my sisters family to come and a couple of local friends.  My husband kept dissappearing and then coming back having invited more people over.  I could tell by the way he was slurring and stumbling it was another broken promise.

This blog is about my journey through Domestic Abuse.  It is my story and my struggle and I hope it will bring support to any that may be going through something similar.

You are not going mad although often you will be made to feel like you are.  There is light at the end of the tunnel though often its hard to see.

I made my picture a meercat as often I feel like this. Constantly looking, constantly anxious about what is coming next.

I have dept a diary of things as they happened and I’m going to share that here.

I hope that by sharing I can help others who might be going through something similar.